Thursday, May 28, 2009


Yesterday my best friend had her first grandchild. A little baby boy. I was very excited for her in fact when I saw the picture I teared up. But I am also a little jealouse. I crave that expierence so much. I often wonder if I will ever have that. I know that God is in controll of this and I need to be patient and wait for His timing. That is very hard to do. So I keep on praying and waiting for His timing and answers. Brandi will be a mom one day and I will be able to share her joy in that.
I found out today that my daughter-in-law will be coming down Sunday to pay some of their bills and will need someplace to stay. So guess where her, two boys and a friend will be staying. You guessed it with me or my house. I will be at work when they get here. I hope that things will be ok and my things are left in place. Sometimes she can think she is helping and she really isn't. She means well but doesn't always know how to go about it. Then my youngest calls and askes if he can bring his dog to stay for awhile. He has a big dog and I have a big dog so not sure how that will go. He said he will keep him tied up and he wont get off. I sure hope he is right. He is trying to get his life back on track and needs some encouragement and support but sometimes you just have to learn to do it for your self. Hopefully he will figure that out.
The next wonderful thing is I had to go to the clinic to drop something off and ask again about my lab results. I had called yesterday and was told they would have to call me back and never heard from them. When asked was told yes they were in but needed to come in per MD. The only time I could get was Monday at 3:40. If had returned phone call yesterday could have seen MD today. I am so tired of unprofessionalism with people. If you say you will get back to someone than please do. My sister and neices will be here then and I didn't want to spend the time in a MD office. Guess that is what happens when you get old.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

Today was a great day. I got to spend it with my mom and daughter. I took them both out to eat for lunch and that was wonderful. I am very blessed to have such a wonderful mom who has taught me how to be a mom. She is very understanding, caring, and listens to me. She never tells me what to do but lets me work it with guideance. My daughter is awesome. I love her so much. This was supposed to be her first mother's day but things did not work out. I know she felt on the blah side and was not having a great day. I know one day she will get to experience that one day. I am very blessed to have her for my daughter. My grandsons came by and told me happy mothers day and that was great. I had not seen them in awhile and that was a nice surprise. They are growing up so much. It is hard to believe that my children are not babies any more and don't need me like they use to. On the other hand it is nice that my daughter is also my friend and so is my mom. I is nice to be friends with them and to share things on that level and at the same time enjoy the parent relationship. The song "Your going to Miss this" is so true. You don't reliaze it until they are grown. Watching my daughter turn into a beautiful young women is the best. She is so awesome. So to everyone who maybe reading this Happy Mother's Day. I hope yours was has wonderful has mine.

Thursday, May 7, 2009


Today the baby boy that was supposed to be in our family went to the family who origanally had be chosen a month before Brandi and Brandon had found out about him. Even though it was hard to see him going to this family, I was glad to that he finally had a home and a place to grow and be nutured. Even though my heart aches for my daughter the important thing was for him to have a home. The people is with I know love him as much as we loved him and will take very good care of him. Then I think about Brandi and Brandon and the loss of this child. Not she did not carry him for nine months but she loved him and had all the first time mommy questions and excitement that you would expect. When the news finally came that he would not be coming to live with us they grieved just as if you had lost a baby that you carried and gave birth to. One day this will all make sense but until then I hope and pray that we can and will grow from this and wish the new family all the best. I hope to watch my daughter hold her baby soon. I know that God is in controll and has a plan for her life.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Day Off

Where do I begin, well today I had the day off and just did nothing. Well not really, I took Shilo to the groomers. She is my little Shtizo and is one today. I work in a trauma center and when I can get a day off it is nice not that I dont enjoy my job, I do. I love my job and helping peopel. Sometimes you just need a day. I have three wonderful children and two great grandsons. My daughter is very special to me and it breaks my heart when she hurts. The last several years has been hard on her not that other things have happened to other members of the family but for her not having her own child at this time is terrible and hard to watch the heart ache. The last month was really hard on her and the rest of the family. We thought we were going to see her dreams come true with a child to call her own. A precious baby boy was to come and join our family. But like other times this was not to be. Getting the nursery ready, clothes, and just the anticipating a little one was the same as if carring the child for nine months. Then we recieved the devasting news, he wasn't going to be living with us after all. We grieved, prayed, and picked ourselves up and kept on going. God had a plan and this was not it even though we felt it was. Then a week later we thought we had another baby boy soon to be born only to find out the birth mom could not be found and then found out that the baby probally did not make it. Another heart ache, more grieving, more questions but no clear answers. I know that one day my daughter will have her child either by adoption or birth. She will have her dream of being a mother come true. My heart aches for her when another one falls through, another baby is lost to the system. I love her very much and one day she will have answers to all her questions.